I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
