So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize