I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
