Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize