My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Randomize
