For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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