He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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