batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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