woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
