at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize