Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
