Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
