im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
okay pat passed out under dana's car
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
