if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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