Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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