wrigley field is MILF paradise
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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