I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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