You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
