Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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