is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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