i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
