My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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