We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize