I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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