I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
