My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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