Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
