id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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