A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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