Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
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My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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