Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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