we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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