Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize