I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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