i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
