my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?†This is time sensitive.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm like, not good at living.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
