I CAN MOONWALK!
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
