Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize