i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
