Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
My vagina is very pro this idea
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
