she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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