he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.