apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
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The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
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I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He managed to rip my nipple last night....