My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.