they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.