i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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