idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
