Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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