I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
