The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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