hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm jealous of your bromance
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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