Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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