This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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