I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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