This house was built for laser tag.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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