I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
