So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
