Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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