I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Randomize
