I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
